Dirty Nasty Filthy Hearts

Date: Thu, 25 Apr 1996 22:56:28 -0400
From: Shiva Ctylyctyc <deleted>
Subject: Dirty Nasty Filty Hearts

Alan,

great page! As a long-time undergrad, I've had plenty of time to master plenty cards games ... I played cards before I came to college, but the level of competition on campus was much better. My two favorite card games are Hearts and Spades, in that order. Our variation of hearts, however, comes from the Deep South, and it's called Dirty Nasty Filthy (pron. Dutty, Nah-tay, Fil-thay) Hearts. Here's how the variants, along with the slang terms:

We play with the Jack as -10 ("The Lil Man").
You need 300 points to exit.
Why? Because the Queen of Spades ("The Queen Bitch") is worth 26 points, and the other three Queens are worth 13 points apiece.
Shooting affects only the person to your left, and you win the game.
If you shoot, the person to your left must vacate for the next waiting player, if any.
No points may be thrown on the first trick ("The Calm").
the duece of clubs still starts.
the dealer calls pass after cutting and before dealing. He may also do variants (two-left, one-right), as long as it's three cards.
We have a special pass called "Shitting in the Kitty" ... everyone passes to the middle, and those cards are shuffled and dealt by the dealer.

We call throwing hearts "painting", lookng for the Queen of Spades "Beating [the bush] for the Bitch", and the Queens of Clubs and Hearts "The Weak Bitches" because the QoC is in the main throwoff suit, and the Queen of Hearts is in the paint suit. Low cards are called "duckers" and it is a habit of players to yell "That aint no duckah!" just before they paint your lead. Especially if your lead should have been a ducker, but you messed up in counting.

Obviously, we've been playing hearts a good while. We did not make this variant, however, with the exception of a few rules.

This variant takes the game's stategy to a cutthroat level. Various nuances now exist, consider this:

You now need the queen of each suit in order to shoot.
Since you can win by shooting, it is still in no-one's interest to help you, unless they wish to vacate the person to your left (with four players, this becomes moot beyond bragging).
How to get that damn Jack without getting that Queen of Diamonds("Rich Bitch" or "Money Bitch"). Some people call it the "Thief Bitch" because it can steal your -10 and leave you with 3.
A certain amount of diplomacy comes into play, so that people don't decide to help the person to your right shoot you. They tend to do this if you win a lot or get obnoxious.
This form is quite easily converted to a vicious drinking game.
Playing this game just once will clarify it's name immensely, and you'll never view Hearts the same way again. Quite frankly, if DNF Hearts is to Hearts what Bid Wist is to Spades.

Go play it and then email me with your thoughts! Plus, my cardmates and I would love to see it added to your page as a variant.

Back to Alan's Hearts page

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